I have a pack of Trident gum on my kitchen table. That crap is radioactively aromatic. They have to package that sh*t in tritium or something because the smell will GET INTO METALS if it is allowed to waft free. I chew it to confuse mosquitoes, who are incredibly sensitive to odors in general but don’t care at all about any of those in this gum. That’s the confusing part.

Anyway, it smells like tree-poontang on parade. I mean, if you caught a whiff of this you’d chew your way through a wall to get some in your mouth. Problem is, it’s poison. And that’s why it has to hyperbolize its olfactory advertisements to a degree that would, for a dog, be like a direct blow to the face.

The only thing that smells -this- edible… is something that isn’t edible at all. I mean, let’s face it, it was forged to deliver -the flavor- and NOT THE FOOD.

Just like American politics.