“My favorite superhero when I wasn’t a kid, I mean, I never really was… so I’m actually pretending I had the childhood I didn’t… was Salad Man.

Look, he spontaneously assembles himself from an incalculable range of wild vegetation, with the goal of sacrificing himself… herself… all their selves… to grant us a boost of bizzare nutritional substances, most of which we haven’t even »discovered yet…

And then, usually, he gets goop all over himself, so that there’s still some familiar-to-moderns-flavors in there

The whole thing doesn’t make sense. Doritos explode in his proximity from self-ironization…

Of course, as an actual child, I hated salads. Well, I was extremely picky about vegetables in general because they were fundamentally ambiguous.

But hey, some little girl in North Carolina was at the dinner table the other night and said: “When I was an adult, I died in the woods and was eaten by wolves.” Actual fact. And she’s »four. So if she can invent previous adulthoods, I can invent alternate childhoods. Right?”

— Bobby Yingo at the Tiny Room