Newsflash!

Republican arguments proven to be clear signs of Satanic possession.

“Neuroscientists report: MRI scans performed during repetition of Republican ideals common in current news and oration reveal that over 87% of Republicans are in a kind of constant lockdown state of left-hemispheric dominance that we can only be described as demonic; they have shut off all input from the unitive mind, and have promoted confusing verbal maxims to a position above reality.

Effectively, this is the scientific equivalent of Satanic possession. Compared to Republicans, schizophrenics look like geniuses of empathy. If we were religious we would have to admit that those who are co-opted utilize a strategy of mimicking their enemies — thus the deadliest demons are the loudest public purveyors of ‘holy’ arguments.”

— The NY Times