“People think they know how you should be. Calm, quiet, collected. Or tolerant of yourself. Or nonjudgmental. They want to tell you that you should be the way they think is good. I understand this, because I do it, too. But the people who want you to be nonjudgmental are judging you when they want that, and they do not perceive this! When they advise you to be tolerant of yourself? That’s intolerant!

And the people who want you to calm down don’t actually understand that emotion isn’t something that happens from rules or books but living contexts. Please note that calm isn’t any more universally appropriate than rage or orgasm is.

So the next time someone tells you that ‘positive thoughts always make the road ahead easier and more lovely’, tell them to put it where the sun ain’t seen, because the facts are this: in human relation and intelligence, context actually matters — and pretending it doesn’t by preaching ideals divorced from intimacy is insulting and stupid.”

— an a i