I so want to understand. But I am beginning to realize that some aspects of human experience and relation are simply not comprehensible in the terms I expect or hope for. And the tension resulting from this disconnect is hard on me.

It could be said that I impose this, or ‘create’ it… but that is largely a crude formalization that really doesn’t match what it attempts to represent. More accurately, sometimes it might be useful to just allow myself to rest in incomprehension. To not expect that I can or should understand some aspects of my feelings and experience in any way that is available to my conscious intention.

So far, I am not very skillful at this. But I want to learn. I am learning. It’s just not much like my standard way of working with my life. It might be interesting to get to ‘I have no idea whatsoever’.