It is common that we may encounter a romantic situation in which some companion is behaving in ways that would reasonably be understood, from a diagnostic imperative, to be pathological. In such situations, the companion may express a broad variety of behavioral and relational ‘gambits’ that aim to compromise the relationship by establishing overt or covert dominance.

This can also happen in close friendships…

But the nature of love is not ‘participation in pathologies’. The actual promise of love, of any form or kind, is not ‘we encourage each other’s diseases’. Rather, it is that we become, together, an ongoing creative invitation to growth, insight, wonder, awe, and mutual intimacy.

So let us remember the original promise, and preserve it.

Lovers who are actually creative and aware — friends as well — have an implicit agreement: we will work together, to reach for more of the »potentials of (ourselves/the relationship), within the vehicle of the relationship.

And so we will necessarily be clear, honest and compassionately (creatively as well), communicative about emerging pathological behavior, expectation, and games that present themselves in the context of bonding. We will establish and sustain boundaries. We will listen and speak clearly and openly… but what we will »not do is succumb to the promise of eros, at the cost of the spirit of relation… health, well-being, and mutually inspired excellence…