In recent conversations situations arose where I asked permission to proceed. In a couple of these conversations, my partner gave permission. They said ‘sure’ or ‘ok’. Superficially, this means that permission has been given.

However, in these two cases, I listened not to their words, but the music of their words. In both of them, I said something like “I heard you say yes, but your music was saying something else, and I want to pay attention to that if it’s ok.” Both of them laughed, the laugh of a refreshing moment of actually being attended at a level deeper than that of mere words.

In both cases, although they were »willing to agree to my modest proposition… there were unfulfilled hopes, desires or concerns… that were encoded not in the words, but in the music. And so, because I was in those cases able to detect and pay attention to this, we got to communicate in a much deeper way.

And I still got to communicate about what I was asking permission about. Later, however. And from a perspective more fully informed by having attended the unspoken concerns that easily become ‘invisible in mere language’ and superficial agreement.

There’s at least as much in the music as the words… and sometimes, it’s the music that matters.