“What font do you choose when you’re writing your suicide note? Times new roman is too formal. Wingdings is non-sensical. I ended up going with Comic Sans because soon the world would be sans another comic (clever boy, don’t I know it). I printed it out and started googling hotels. I live with four roommates and I’m not a complete dick, I didn’t want one of them to have to find me and be like, really? You couldn’t have done the dishes first, dude? So I decided I would treat myself. I would go to the Waldorf. I found out that was out of my price range. Do you know how depressing it is to be completely depressed and not have the money to at least off yourself in a classy joint? I ended up going down a rabbit hole of hotel reviews on Orbitz and found a bunch of nice B&B’s upstate. I can give you recommendations next time I see you.”
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