Dear Betty White,

If you do not know why, making jokes will not really answer the question.

It is for this reason. The left is the home of them memory of all our grandmothers. The right is the home of the memory of all of your mothers.

If you do not have these, you have no mother-soul, and are doomed forever. You will have no honor, intelligence, or soul… no honesty or compassion or wonder. No love.

Just ego.

If you have them, any time you lie or are evil, they squirm gently, resisting this. This used to be ‘tested’ in courts by an expert who would hold two fingers against the balls of the defendant or answerer to determine ‘if their mothers and grandmothers were disturbed by their lies.’

Balls? Many vaginas. In two small worlds. Does that seem like it should be extremely strong? It is. But not in relation to being smashed. Do your breasts like being smashed? Are they ‘weak’ because they are delicate?

Now the ancient secret… is remembered.

P.S: I ‘have a pair’.