Dear fire alarm ghost. Thank you for triggering the fire alarm inside our flat for no apparent reason. The explosively piercing aural buggery it emits in blasts is loud enough to kill small creatures outright. It is a very relaxing addition to urban life at 5:40 am, when one has… actually it doesn’t matter what happened before, because when you hear that brain-shattering klaxon, your intestines are going to go suddenly AWOL, and after that, well, as Freddy Mercury once said ‘Nothing really matters much to me…”