If you are not, and I mean regularly, having orgasms in your mind, unrelated to what we ordinarily understand as sexuality, and most particularly with the person you claim to adore…

If you are not, and I mean -regularly- having orgasms of insight, discovery, understanding and revelation… then I am afraid you are extremely confused about sex. Because the physical part is really pretty mundane compared to the whole other universe of unthinkably profound intimacies.

Underneath our confusions about these matters, just about everything is fundamentally sexual, but it isn’t sexual in the ‘naughty’ sense. It’s all just as natural as rain or night. In nature, relation is sexual. Period. It’s always thus.

And we are that way, but more in our minds than our bodies. We are just too rarely introduced as adults into experiences that allow, encourage or catalyze this. And we are, it turns out, as sensitive to context as the chameleon’s appearance is to the backgrounds against which it appears. That is to say: we become what we are immersed in. Inwardly, rather than on our skin. There are exceptions, in many unexpected ways, as well.

Relation is flagrantly, curiously, hopelessly, enthrallingly… -intimate-. Every living thing understands this without any rules or words. Humans quite consistently actually use physical sex -to avoid this kind of intimacy-. Hopefully that last statement makes clear the direction in which we must go. It is, as in many cases, not the one in which we are most easily aroused or enflamed. For toward sexual contact is not necessarily toward intimacy, and, in many cases, where sex or even physical contact is impossible, new forms and ways of intimacy may arise that would astonish even the most intoxicated amongst those who think they know what I here speak of.