“Last night, the meticulously appointed, homemade crudite platter (arranged on vintage crystal) in the front seat of my car so completely impressed the cop who had pulled me over that she decided not to ticket me, instead heaping praise upon my handiwork as she illuminated the platter curiously, moving her spotlight in an arc across my scattered French icicle radishes to my barely-blanched asparagus spears to the taut yellow globes of tiny tomatoes. Thus I went home and stuffed my face full of raw vegetables with cheer. I’m sure my closest friends are laughing at the black-belt level of concern which they know went into this whole affair of a “crudite platter done right” (the sort of thing that prompts me to night sweats, hives, and near-stigmata). Well, it finally paid off, world. It finally paid off, I am $200 the better for it, and somewhere in Sonoma County, a police officer is jotting down notes for her next Holiday party.” — Sakina Bryant